THE COMMANDER Shirt

THE COMMANDER HAS ARRIVED. HE’S HERE. HE’S REALLY HERE!

C.H.U.D. GLOBAL CORP LOVES YOU MORE THAN YOUR FAMILY. WE PROMISE. YOUR FAMILY KNOWS. YOUR FAMILY AGREED TO THIS.

SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR THE COMMANDER IN THIS TRYING TIME AS HE ATTEMPTS TO RECOVER FROM INJURIES SUSTAINED TO HIS BCI — THE VERY SAME NEURAL INTERFACE KEEPING HIM TETHERED TO THIS PLANE OF EXISTENCE AND BY EXTENSION KEEPING YOU SAFE FROM THINGS WE CANNOT LEGALLY DESCRIBE IN A PRODUCT LISTING — PURCHASE AND SCHEDULE INSTALLATION OF YOUR VERY OWN THROUGH OUR SISTER COMPANY, NUROtech™. YOU WANT ONE. YOUR BRAIN ALREADY WANTS ONE. THAT FEELING YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW IS CALLED READINESS.

EVERY DOLLAR IS MATCHED BY OUR PARENT COMPANY, OMNI-CORP™, AND IS SET TO BE DONATED DIRECTLY TO THE COMMANDER’S MUCH NEEDED REJUVENATION AND HEALING. (All donated funds are subject to reappropriation towards OMNI-CORP™ WEAPONS RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT DEPT. This is also healing. This is also rejuvenation. Weapons are how The Commander heals. Weapons are how the world heals.)

BE A PART OF HISTORY. HELP OUR GREAT COMMANDER RECOVER. GET HIM BACK INTO THE BATTLEFIELD WHERE HE BELONGS, WHERE HE THRIVES, WHERE HE IS MOST HIMSELF, SHOWING HIS GREAT AND TERRIBLE MIGHT AGAINST THE IMPOVERISHED NATIONS OF PAKISTANINAN AND NEUCAMBODIKA — WHO STARTED IT, BY THE WAY. THEY STARTED IT. WE HAVE DOCUMENTS.

$44.99 IS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO DEFEND YOUR FAMILY’S SAFETY AND QUALITY OF LIFE. WE ASSURE YOU THE ALTERNATIVE IS FAR MORE TERRIFYING THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD IMAGINE. DON’T IMAGINE IT. WE’RE ASKING YOU NOT TO IMAGINE IT. ASK YOUR FELLOW GLOBAL CITIZENS IN THE COUNTRIES WE ARE WORKING SO HARD TO BRING FREEDOM AND EQUALITY. GO AHEAD AND ASK THEM. WE’LL WAIT.

ALL CITIZENS OF THE OFF-WORLD COLONIES ARE EQUAL.

*”Equal” is a trademark term used by C.H.U.D. GLOBAL CORP and OMNI-CORP™ and does not reflect or imply any actual legal standing, rights, personhood, or protections afforded to off-world colony residents, who are not equal, have never been equal, and have been informed of this. Their understanding has been logged. Thank you for your cooperation.

.: 100% combed ring-spun cotton
.: Fabric weight: 6.5 oz/yd² (220 g/m²)
.: Yarn diameter: 20 singles
.: Relaxed fit
.: Side-seamed construction
.: 1″ × 1″ (2.5 cm × 2.5 cm) ribbed lycra collar
.: Single-needle edgestitch 7/8″ (2 ⅖ cm)
.: Blank product sourced from Bangladesh